The day I told the boys.
If you are following this blog, it is likely because you saw my PSA that started with how I told my boys about my diagnosis.
To pull it directly from the post, here is what I wrote,
“Mom, whose bracelet is that?”
“Yeah mom, why would you have that?”
”Boys, I don’t want you to be scared. That is my bracelet. Mommy has cancer.”
Words I never thought I’d say.
Words I had been holding back for 2 weeks from my boys until I had more answers.
Words I knew that day, I could say.
And I could say with grace and strength for them.
_______________________________________________________________
They proceeded to ask a few questions:
L: What kind is it? ...I stalled.
G: Are you going to die? No, baby.
L: Is it breast cancer? Yes it is.
G: Are you going to lose your hair? Probably.
L: Is this why you were lying on the couch the other day and daddy was bringing you those ice packs? Yes baby.
G: Do I have cancer to? No, baby.
They seemed relatively satisfied after our Q&A.
They then asked if I would watch an episode of Ninjago with them.
*Side note, Ninjago is a cartoon lego show my oldest who is now 11.5 y/o, used to watch when he was 5-6 y/o. He recently started re-watching the episodes and I absolutely love it. If you have never seen it, give it a shot. It's super cute.*
Typically you would never catch me sitting down in the middle of the day - especially to watch to TV.
But today, was a day I was going to give them all the love, snuggles, and attention they wanted. Maybe they didn't necessarily need it...but I did.
I changed into comfy clothes - namely a tan hoodie to match what the two of them were wearing - and snuggled up right on the couch with them (and of course Leonard).
I will admit my husband felt a certain way that I had told the boys without him. Yes, it had initially been our 'plan' to tell them together. But what I was finally able to explain to him - when he was able to push the hurt aside - that this wasn't about him.
This was about ME feeling STRONG.
This was about ME having the COURAGE to share my diagnosis with my children.
This was about ME providing the boys a SAFE space to ask questions and to feel whatever they may need to feel at that time.
This was about THEM. For THEM. They needed to see my strength, feel my energy, and match my vibe to minimize any fear or sadness that otherwise could come from this moment.
And it worked.
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