1/31/25 Dammit lady.

This day was for tests. 

And time with my momma. 

She journeyed back into town to be with me once again. I can't imagine how this feels for her. 

While I struggle with wanting my independence and not burdening anyone else, I know how badly she wants to be there for everything. She has always been a ROCK - perhaps that is where I get it from. 

I am just challenged by someone else having to experience what I am going through - I don't want them to feel sadness or fear. So by going alone, I can manage the feelings.

I can suppress any fears that may surface at that time. I don't have to acknowledge them with another person...until I can't keep them down any longer. 

Today started with an abdominal MRI with contrast. Other than an open MRI I had for my shoulder in the past, this was probably my second favorite! My head was close to the exit and it was entertaining as I had to follow instructions of when to breathe in, out, or hold my breath. 

Immediately after the MRI, I went to Nuclear Med to be injected with dye for my bone scan about 2 hours later.  I started to feel a bit emotional while I was with the technician as she commented, "This is a lot. I can see how much you have been through already in such a short period of time."

Dammit lady.  You are right.  THIS SUCKS. 

But fuck it if I will let cancer win.  I will not succumb to feeling bad for myself. So a few short breaths later, I was back on track. The injection was over and I had two hours to kill before the bone scan.

Mom and I shopped around at Kohl's, ate a delish lunch at Giacomo's (yup I still call it Giacamo's) then headed back for the bone scan. 

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A bit later in the evening, the bone scan came back negative. 

The cancer was NOT seen in my bones. 

I SOBBED with my mom.  I just let her hold me and I SOBBED...and then we celebrated.

F*CK YOU CANCER.