I took another shower.
My BIL and SIL purchased me a shower chair.
My mom and I (struggled to) put it together - Lord was that a scene - BUT I was able to shave my legs...sort of.
And clean my own butt...mainly.
But I felt sad today. I guess it kinda hits me sometimes when the easy things seem like a production.
Shaving my legs was a 1 min event.
Cleaning my own backside didn't require physics and gravity and inertia.
But then this conversation occurred with a colleague turned dear friend, Kara:
K: “ Hoping that each day you’re having less pain and able to move a little better. You should get a text soon (it’s not spam, promise!) Treat yourself (and the fam if you want) to dinner…or get some gift cards.
We all appreciate your honesty and candor with the blog. We don’t want to bother you, but just keep cheering you on! I’m sure some days suck, but you’re stronger. Love you. ”
H: “Girl you had no idea how much I needed to hear the
“Some days suck but you are stronger”
🫶🏿🫶🏿”
K: “ …and that will still hold true days, weeks, months from now. Some days suck, but YOU, sweet Heather are stronger. ”
H: “ I try to be so upbeat and positive and sometimes I’m just like F*CK”
K: “ No one can be upbeat and positive all the time. Have your cry, cleanse your soul, mope or do whatever you need to…then when you’re finished, get up and kick some ass.”
H: “ My mom is here providing so much support but sometimes at night time I just want to curl up and cry but if she sees me upset she clings more. Like I get it but still is hard…”
K: “ Yes. Love the support, but having to be “on” is exhausting. Sometimes you need to be “raw”, but when others see that, they get more emotional. It’s hard being the strong one.
Can you shower? Or at least go in the bathroom, crank the music and pretend you’re having a huge 💩 and just get a good cry in instead? I’ve had to do that. My hubs hovered after my melanoma and my ovary nonsense. Appreciate the love and support, but sometimes we just need space/time/margin to be real and honest with our emotions.
Need me to streak by? That would distract everyone and cause major vomiting. That could buy you some time. 😉”
… It's times like these you learn to live again.
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