4/18 I am the storm

Fate whispers to the warrior,

“You cannot withstand the storm.”

The warrior whispers back,

 “I am the storm.”

I AM THE STORM. 

I feel great.
Literally and honestly, I feel great. 

Yes, I had surgery yesterday and I had a bit of a low last night....
but,

I am the storm.

I woke up without significant pain from the expanders.

Without feeling like there are bowling balls on my chest.
Without feeling like my milk came in.

I woke up feeling energized.

How I feel today, makes me realize JUST how hard my body was fighting.

How awful I truly felt without realizing it because I don't like to succumb to weakness. 

If you are on FB you've likely seen this but for those in the back, here is my re-post from today:

So I thought it was the date of the “27th” that just wasn’t my jam. 

Well…we are going to have to shorten that to maybe it just deals with the number 7 (which oddly enough is my husband’s favorite number 🤔)

I had surgery AGAIN, yesterday, the 17. 

Yup, SURGERY #3. 

I have been aspirated. 

Had drains #6 and 7 placed urgently from a follow-up visit turned go to the hospital immediately (yes I was awake for those 🤢 )

I have been on the second strongest antibiotics literally since 2/27. 

But…

I haven’t felt right. 

Severe chills overnight. 

General achiness. 

Pain, swelling, skin discoloration and texture changes   

But no fever. 

I know the antibiotics were keeping some things at bay….

But man how hard was my body continuously trying to tell me:

Something. Isn’t. Right. 

And don’t worry, I fought to have it be heard. 

My team is great but I was done with all the investigative stuff. 

I KNEW what needed to be done. 

Thankfully, FINALLY, another set of cultures from the fluid being drained came back positive for 🦠 

I got the call yesterday from my surgeon. Meet him at the OR at 1:30. 

My expanders were coming out….finally. 

It was possibly one of my most emotional days/evenings. 

My treatments (20 weeks of chemo followed by 25 rounds of radiation) have already been pushed back 4 weeks. This adds an additional 1-2. 

But I am hoping we are NOW on the right path and my body can strengthen and heal itself to tackle the next obstacles. 

Because let’s be honest…ain’t nobody got time for all this. 

I got life to be living 🩵🫶🏾👬

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I had my post-op appointment today, where my surgeon removed all the dressings. He was able to use the same initial incision from 2/27.
He did remove some more skin on the L due to cellulitis and general infection in my skin.

BUT it already looks better.

I feel like I want to do a cartwheel! 

Jk, I can't do that. 

I feel like I want to DEADLIFT  🏋️‍♂️ (yes, I am aware that is not a deadlifting emoji, I haven't been out of the gym for that long)

It was a nice warm day so of course I had to get the pool out for the kids - I mean it was above 60 degrees so totally appropriate....🙃

They somehow played in that pool for a couple hours - it definitely was NOT warm, but listen, if they want to entertain themselves while playing Russian roulette with trying not to get pneumonia, I'm all for it 🤣

To end my evening, my little spirit animal Nora Neh as in Norah Renee (just like Heather Neh, Heather Renee), got the book I sent her to match her 'Smore to Love' hand me down tee.

Her smile says it all  💗

I went to bed without tears. Feeling more like ME.

because...

I AM THE STORM.