I don’t need to hear that I’m going to be OK or…
I’m going to fight this
or…
I’m going to win this
or…
That I can beat this.
There’s never once been a doubt in my mind.
I am stronger than this time in my life.
I am better than this fu*king cancer.
I will not host this motherfu*ker.
I will show this bi*ch whose boss and make sure it goes runs and cries, and tells all of its friends.
Don't go there. She is mean.
I don’t have to fight to be here for my children because I WILL be here for my children.
My husband will be stuck with me.
My story is nowhere near over.
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Today I walked 5.02 miles.
I didn't initially feel like walking.
I'd rather go to the gym. Lift heavy weights. Run even...but those things are not in my cards right now...so I walked.
And I walked...
And then when I got to 3 miles, I thought, well, 3 miles is the furthest I've walked since my surgery, so let me go 3.5 miles.
But if I am going to walk 3.5 miles, what is .5 miles more to 4?
Getting to 4 miles I wasn't really close to home, so 4.5 it was...
But let's be honest...why walk 4.5 miles when you can just walk 5?
I LOVE listening to music - lyrics move me. Literally.
At mile 4.51 two songs came on, one right after the other.
1. It's Quiet Uptown - Kelly Clarkson
There are moments that the words don't reach
There is suffering too terrible to name
You hold your child as tight as you can
Then push away the unimaginable
The moments when you're in so deep
Feels easier to just swim down
And so they move uptown
And learn to live with the unimaginable
....
They are trying to do the unimaginable
....
There are moments that the words don't reach
There's a grace too powerful to name
We push away what we could never understand
We push away the unimaginable
They're standing in the garden
Standing there side by side
She takes his hand
It's quiet uptown
Forgiveness, can you imagine?
Forgiveness, can you imagine?
If you see him in the street, walking by her side
Talking by her side, have pity
Look around, look around
They are going through the unimaginable
2. Roar - Katy Perry
....
You held me down, but I got up (hey!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder, gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (hey!)
Get ready 'cause I've had enough
I see it all, I see it now
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter
Dancing through the fire
'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
'Cause I am the champion, and you're gonna hear me roar
Now I'm floating like a butterfly
Stinging like a bee, I earned my stripes
I went from zero, to my own hero
You held me down, but I got up (hey!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder, gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (got up)
Get ready 'cause I've had enough
I see it all, I see it now
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter
Dancing through the fire
'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar
While this whole twist in my life has been unimaginable for not just me, but for my entire family, I will continue dancing through the fire...
...'cause I am a champion.
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